Wanting life in every word.

I started to realize this week that I wasn't loving as deeply as I usually do, that my passion for the kingdom come was a little blase, that I was going through the motions. And as having a cold heart is one of my greatest fears, I got scared. It's interesting that at the moment of this realization, immediately all the things that I should do to correct it went through my head. So after reading my favorite short stories, listening to the most inspiring albums, attempting to sleep it off, then surrounding myself with friends I realized even my most favorite things in life don't actually make me alive. Bummer.

So (and I'm ashamed to admit that this was my 5th choice) I sat before God disappointed that I couldn't resurrect my icy heart. I complained, I confessed my inability to solve the problem, I pleaded for renewal. And as I sat in the presence of God I knew there was hope. It's really unexplainable, as nearly anyone that's been in this place before would agree...but I had a revelation. That as I was longing for a soft, heart of flesh, I was actually longing for more of Jesus. "I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh." He's the only giver of life, the conqueror of death. How simple, right?

It's strange to always find myself back in this spot. Relearning simple lessons and on recovery from numbness, or doubt, or pride, or lust, or greed, or...and back in the presence of the Lord. I'm thankful. I'm thankful that I have a savior that desires to give me freedom, express His grace, make me fully alive. I'm thankful that the deeper I'm drawn into God's presence the more visible His Kingdom of hope is in my small world, and the more I feel my heart aligning with His in my ache for expression of redemption the world over.

Really, that's it. I'm just a very thankful girl, rambling on in her blog.