In Amsterdam

I visited the IND of the Netherlands today. After leaving the office I made use of my train transfer at Schiphol to drink starbucks, enjoy the brilliance of airports and just be for a little bit. The appointment was easy enough really. And my last minute passport photo at Centraal met the strict requirements, luckily. At the end of the meeting the sweet woman helping me explained the new sticker in my passport, and finished by pointing out that the year of its validity begins TODAY. Meaning in one year from 13 October, I better be leaving. It's strange to have such a temporary mindset. Or, rather a temporary life and the prayer that my mindset is much different.

It's interesting to think in terms of having one year in Amsterdam. And having absolutely no idea what's in store, or hardly the ability to process what I want to be in store. I feel this year and the past are precious years, and vital in forming who I'm to become. This past year has changed my heart and mind (though I suppose change is not correct, but challenged and pressed and grew) in less tangible ways than new habits or hobbies. But I feel it's been incredibly more valuable than those things we see and touch and typically measure how we're changing and developing as people.

I've grown in awareness of myself in a way that has allowed me to see and confront issues of my heart and soul more deeply than before. Which has been both painful and good.

I've also expanded my perception of friendship to include people so unlike myself and found a fullness and joy that I hadn't experienced before. This has proven to not only be the less comfortable choice, but also the one that challenges our own motives of love and friendship; making me at times come to terms with how self-seeking I can be. Again, both painful and good.

I've also discussed Jesus with people that really don't care. The spectrum is great. Some people don't care because they're apathetic (which is sometimes appealing, really) and others feel they've grown past any need for a savior or faith for a God. But I've discovered that somehow Jesus has something for all of us no matter our philosophical or theological views on life and society. I've been reminded that he redeems people in order to redeem the world, and truly loves us regardless of how sure we are of his existence.

At times I feel like my life has unfolded during my year (and will probably say years next year at this time) in Amsterdam. Growth is scary in a way. But I do have hope that in whatever ways growth creates mess, however painful it is, it is very very good.

And, anyways, I hope for more this next year.