In Amsterdam

I get frustrated when I can't articulate my hope for the Church, or rather, Jesus' hope for the Church. I forget perhaps not everyone has the same excitement when considering the possibilities we have as communities of people following Jesus. Instead, putting this excitement into words sounds a bit cultish, naieve, hippy...

I also forget the expectation of most that you slowly lose belief in God as you become more educated. Believing in Jesus and also social science seems like a contradiction. But as much as I believe in academia, and humanity's ability to ease suffering for some, I also believe that my solutions for anything will always be temporary. And that I have a soul that needs made alive. To me, academia sounds like BS when trying to explain being in a really dark place for no reason, or the feeling you get experiencing loss of love, or your longings that can't be satisfied by anything in this world, or the reason we can't evolve past war and racism, or why we have hope, really.

I forget this isn't everyone's experience.

I forget that I'm weird. Until someone tells me directly. Or until a room of people looks at me with blank expressions. Or until someone asks me to scientifically explain prayer or worship services in order to make a valid point. Really? 

But I also think everyone experiences hints of redeemed life. That everyone experiences pieces of the kingdom coming, whether or not they know how to describe it. 

As a side note, I'm sitting across from a photo of someone that looks an awful lot like a 45 year old Ian Curtis. Oh, if only it were so.