In Amsterdam

"Even as fire when used leaves a mark on a man's body, so words of Torah when used leave a mark on the body. Fire: they who work with it are readily distinguishable from other mortals. So, too - by their walk, by their speech, by their garments in the marketplace - disciples of the wise are just as readily distinguishable."

Just thinking about this today. I want my life to be marked by scripture. I want to be smelly with the truth, and my hands stained with the words of Jesus as someone working with fire would smell like smoke and have hands stained by soot. I want the living word of God to be more alive in me and to impact my very being in a greater way.

Also, I'm in a class right now that focuses on professionalism and governance and "dealing with turbulent urban settings". It's really interesting and we're getting to look at a ton of case studies, but we're also looking at failed initiatives. There've been a lot of people with good ideas and good intentions to truly change circumstances for some of the most marginalized people in the world, but for some reason they end up making a bigger mess. In fact, my teacher made sure to remind us last week that "just because we're lefty and compassionate doesn't mean we won't f*** something up." Shoot. 

So, anyways, I'm again feeling overwhelmed with the need in the world and reminded of how small I am. I'm overwhelmed with the difficulty to truly change circumstances in education and housing projects due to the bureaucracy of policy. I'm overwhelmed with the amount of theory and research to consider, and to sit around with followers of Bourdieu and Weber and Durkheim, knowing that saying I follow Jesus has no credibility with most. I'm overwhelmed with feeling like I have no answers...for anything. Which leads me back to the quote at the top. I need the truth of scripture to mark my life in a greater way, and the hope and wisdom found in it to become my very being. That really seems like the only answer; to soak in the Truth.