In Amsterdam

I discovered a used English bookstore just down the canal from the library a few weeks ago. I started going in before or after my excursions to the library, not really looking for anything, but just enjoying the possibility of finding something really good, and in english, for under 10 euros. But right before my trip to Stockholm I went in with a mission to find something to read while away, since I promised myself I wouldn't even think about social research for 3 days. I had some things in mind, mostly recommendations from people that read way more than me. I couldn't find any of them. I did find Moby Dick, which I considered since I've never read it and it's one of the books the whole world assumes you have, but the 700 pages seemed a little more than I could handle in such a short time. So, after searching for nearly 20 minutes, I found and purchased the Road. A book several people told me not to read, some people told me they couldn't get through it, some people told me it would change my life, and some said it was the best book ever. When i was paying for it, the old guy, who i assume to be the owner, laid out his opinions on every Cormac McCarthy book ever written which lasted about 5 minutes...but he hadn't read the Road. 

I've finished it now. I can't recommend it, but I can't really describe how I even feel about it. I don't think I loved it. Well, maybe I did but it almost seems wrong to say.  In case you don't know the setting, it is post-apocalyptic  America, and a man and his son are roaming the dead country hoping to survive. All life has been destroyed, besides a few humans trying to survive, the earth is desolate. The story depicts such desperation, and reveals a world absolutely void of hope. It's not dreamy or sweet. The story is actually horrifying at times, shocking that someone could actually put certain images into words, but it is deeply moving. I've been processing it a lot. What a depiction of a world starved of life and hope. A depiction of our nature, of the world absent of any redemption. The story stirred something up in me that was getting a little numb, that has the tendency to. It made me desire life and light in a fresh way. I was reminded that though the extreme of cannablism is not a typical darkness we face, the ways we use, manipulate, and hurt each other could be more similar than we think. The little boy is the essence of purity and goodness in the story. He's the only one that believes in helping others, regardless of his own fear. Some of it's naieve, but his hope is so precious that it's ackowledged by others and protected by his father...reminding him that "what you put in your head will be there forever". However painful or awful the story seems at times, it moves you to want and to fight for life and hope. You crave a world restored. Like it's said, "even so, come Lord Jesus."

At least, that's my opinion.