It's memorial day! I'm not celebrating...perhaps I should refuse to go to class today though as it's a national holiday and I'm American. Kind of like when Catholic kids got out of school in high school for Ash Wednesday...

Memorial day has always been a mile marker. It's the beginning of summer! I've been refusing to admit it's summer even though it's warm and sunny and everyone's finishing up classes. On memorial day the pools open up, and we put our dock in the lake, and in college we were retreating in Virginia right before finals week. It's scary to start saying it's summer. How in the world has it been 9 months? Why does time go faster and faster as you get older? 

When I think back to past memorial days they were all so significant. They were always somehow a turning point. The Lord started doing something new in my life and likewise something new in my soul. It was usually painful, but powerful nonetheless. Growing through death, accidents, marriages, friends moving, new jobs, graduating. Though I can't seem to even acknowledge it's here, I'm still praying for something new in me! 

Similarly, it's always strange to me when I find my heart's prayers in scripture. I'm reminded of the unity of life in the church, of our similar paths as people wanting to live life with and for our God. I go through phases, praying different pieces of scripture (as I assume most people do) but lately it's been Psalm 51. And the message version is just great. 

Psalm 51

 ^1-3Generous in love—God, give grace! Huge in mercy—wipe out my bad record. 
   Scrub away my guilt, 
      soak out my sins in your laundry. 
   I know how bad I've been; 
      my sins are staring me down. 

 ^4-6 You're the One I've violated, and you've seen 
      it all, seen the full extent of my evil. 
   You have all the facts before you; 
      whatever you decide about me is fair. 
   I've been out of step with you for a long time, 
      in the wrong since before I was born. 
   What you're after is truth from the inside out. 
      Enter me, then; conceive a new, true life. 

 ^7-15 Soak me in your laundry and I'll come out clean, 
      scrub me and I'll have a snow-white life. 
   Tune me in to foot-tapping songs, 
      set these once-broken bones to dancing. 
   Don't look too close for blemishes, 
      give me a clean bill of health. 
   God, make a fresh start in me, 
      shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life. 
   Don't throw me out with the trash, 
      or fail to breathe holiness in me. 
   Bring me back from gray exile, 
      put a fresh wind in my sails! 
   Give me a job teaching rebels your ways 
      so the lost can find their way home. 
   Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God, 
      and I'll sing anthems to your life-giving ways. 
   Unbutton my lips, dear God; 
      I'll let loose with your praise. 

 ^16-17 Going through the motions doesn't please you, 
      a flawless performance is nothing to you. 
   I learned God-worship 
      when my pride was shattered. 
   Heart-shattered lives ready for love 
      don't for a moment escape God's notice. 

 ^18-19 Make Zion the place you delight in, 
      repair Jerusalem's broken-down walls. 
   Then you'll get real worship from us, 
      acts of worship small and large, 
   Including all the bulls 
      they can heave onto your altar!

I discovered a used English bookstore just down the canal from the library a few weeks ago. I started going in before or after my excursions to the library, not really looking for anything, but just enjoying the possibility of finding something really good, and in english, for under 10 euros. But right before my trip to Stockholm I went in with a mission to find something to read while away, since I promised myself I wouldn't even think about social research for 3 days. I had some things in mind, mostly recommendations from people that read way more than me. I couldn't find any of them. I did find Moby Dick, which I considered since I've never read it and it's one of the books the whole world assumes you have, but the 700 pages seemed a little more than I could handle in such a short time. So, after searching for nearly 20 minutes, I found and purchased the Road. A book several people told me not to read, some people told me they couldn't get through it, some people told me it would change my life, and some said it was the best book ever. When i was paying for it, the old guy, who i assume to be the owner, laid out his opinions on every Cormac McCarthy book ever written which lasted about 5 minutes...but he hadn't read the Road. 

I've finished it now. I can't recommend it, but I can't really describe how I even feel about it. I don't think I loved it. Well, maybe I did but it almost seems wrong to say.  In case you don't know the setting, it is post-apocalyptic  America, and a man and his son are roaming the dead country hoping to survive. All life has been destroyed, besides a few humans trying to survive, the earth is desolate. The story depicts such desperation, and reveals a world absolutely void of hope. It's not dreamy or sweet. The story is actually horrifying at times, shocking that someone could actually put certain images into words, but it is deeply moving. I've been processing it a lot. What a depiction of a world starved of life and hope. A depiction of our nature, of the world absent of any redemption. The story stirred something up in me that was getting a little numb, that has the tendency to. It made me desire life and light in a fresh way. I was reminded that though the extreme of cannablism is not a typical darkness we face, the ways we use, manipulate, and hurt each other could be more similar than we think. The little boy is the essence of purity and goodness in the story. He's the only one that believes in helping others, regardless of his own fear. Some of it's naieve, but his hope is so precious that it's ackowledged by others and protected by his father...reminding him that "what you put in your head will be there forever". However painful or awful the story seems at times, it moves you to want and to fight for life and hope. You crave a world restored. Like it's said, "even so, come Lord Jesus."

At least, that's my opinion.