Lately I've been having the same conversation over and over: the difficulty of living life with a mindset beyond ourselves. It's interesting though to discuss it with friends that are followers of Jesus, Muslims, and Agnostics alike. It's just so hard, for everyone, to remember that there is (or might be, for those still processing belief) anything beyond what we see, taste, and touch. When you're busy, you're focused on your busyness. When you're not, you're focused on yourself. (Maybe I'm speaking more for myself, but have grace for me while I make generalizations.) It seems too, that once we're reminded that there is, or might be, something more than our own worlds we wonder how we got by living so small before. Sadly, it seems to be a cycle, and we're always rediscovering what a life beyond our physical senses really looks like.

For this reason, I continue to appreciate the season of advent. It's precious to me to have an entire month of reflecting, in expectation, on the hope of the world. Advent reminds me that there's more than daily tasks and obligations, even more than my relationships with people and nonsensical emotions. It reminds me that all of this is real and matters, but only in light of the importance and reality of the grand story being told. Luckily, the meta-narrative is one of nothing but hope for the world. And for my own soul, which is beautiful to remember.

Last night Brooke and I were decorating our apartment for Christmas and listening to Christmas music. I was being somewhat pretentious and ranting about how I can't appreciate didactic art, sadly including a large chunk of Christian music. When it becomes informative, it loses its authenticity for me. Either way, that's not the point...The point is that during this conversation one of my favorite Christmas songs from last year came on. It's a silly pop song about fir trees and presents, and not meant to be worship at all, I don't think, except that the people making it love Jesus. But one of the lines is "He landed on the earth all wrapped in skin, and they're the only ones to find him". To me, this communicates the gift of God as human, and the importance of his birth in such a beautiful way. God actually came to earth, as a baby! And this baby happened to be the one that Yahweh would give the majesty of his name. It's incredible, and hope-filled, and reminds me to live beyond myself.

Isaiah 11

¹ A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse;
from his roots a Branch will bear fruit.

² The Spirit of the LORD will rest on him—
the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding,
the Spirit of counsel and of might,
the Spirit of the knowledge and fear of the LORD—

³ and he will delight in the fear of the LORD.
He will not judge by what he sees with his eyes,
or decide by what he hears with his ears;

⁴ but with righteousness he will judge the needy,
with justice he will give decisions for the poor of the earth.
He will strike the earth with the rod of his mouth;
with the breath of his lips he will slay the wicked.

⁵ Righteousness will be his belt
and faithfulness the sash around his waist.

⁶ The wolf will live with the lamb,
the leopard will lie down with the goat,
the calf and the lion and the yearling ^a]">[a] together;
and a little child will lead them.

⁷ The cow will feed with the bear,
their young will lie down together,
and the lion will eat straw like the ox.

⁸ Infants will play near the hole of the cobra;
young children will put their hands into the viper's nest.

⁹ They will neither harm nor destroy
on all my holy mountain,
for the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the LORD
as the waters cover the sea.

¹⁰ In that day the Root of Jesse will stand as a banner for the peoples; the nations will rally to him, and his resting place will be glorious.

I'm a really thankful girl, and feel in light of thanksgiving I should share. Most days I think if I deserve anything based on my character or actions, it's a slap in the face. Yet somehow I'm consistently provided for, and forgiven, and loved beyond reason.

Of course I'm thankful for nighttime bike rides, and tube lights, and getting caught in the rain, and new music, and chocolate, and colorful earrings, and puzzles. But even more so, I'm thankful for the people in my life. How wonderful to not only have a family that supports me and cares for me and loves me across the ocean, but to also have a family here. Notably, I remember two years ago and continue to be thankful for Joe's life, and also remember 21 years ago when I prayed for a sister and am so thankful for Sola. I really could go on and on.

I've been feeling especially thankful lately that I am always learning and growing. I'm thankful that I'm given the opportunity to be challenged, to risk, to fail, to change. Also I think of Orwell's words that "People with empty bellies never despair of the universe, nor even think about the universe, for that matter" and am grateful to be provided for so well physically that I can spend time learning about and processing issues of the world. Or even process the issues of my heart and my dreams.

So, thankfulness abounds! I wish I could go on, but I'm off to bake pies.

So, is there anything better than surfy, lo-fi music paired with a dance scene from a 1960s film? Brilliant.

I love this movie poster. And this movie. And sometimes I feel very much like Charlotte. Where is Bill Murray when you need him?

And remember how great this song is in the movie? Well, this is a demo actually...but still amazing.

I'm joining in the fun.

Here's the idea:

1. Write down sensory memories from childhood/life. smell, touch, sight, hearing, taste 2. Think about sayings you heard often/ lyrics from songs, like... "don't let the bed bugs bite" "safely in his bosom gather" 3. Think about things you smelled, food, mom's perfume, or the feeling of a family blanket 4. Write the senses down, don't explain them, but be detailed. Don't just say, "I am from dad saying " I love you more than the stars" say instead "I am from "I love you more than the stars." 5. Put "I am from" before your memories. List some together.

I am from...

I am from tummy rubs and sweetheart of Sigma Chi

I am from bear country and scotch soaked ice cubes

I am from Grant Boulevard, bases loaded, and who can be the quietest

I am from Allie-booly and blue floral dresses

I am from tractors in the snow and thriller on tape

I am from nowIlaymes and goodnight light and the red balloon

I am from superman ice cream, indian vests, and shrimp coming out of my ears

I am from a single with cheese and the first avenue pool

I am from well water, swingsets, and corn on the cob

I am from deer hunts and when the lights go down in the city

I am from root beer floats and shuffle ball changes

I am from dance magic dance and pigs in a blanket

I am from Michigan rummy, cherry bombs, and everyone makes mistakes

I am from homemade dress up and breakfast for dinner

I am from little hugs and emory adams

I am from pedal to the metal, cover girl, and Chrissy MacGyver

I am from TGIF and TCBY

I am from spearmint gum and soap foam beards

I am from air guitar, knives, and three little fishies in an itty bitty pool

I'm reading Profit Over People by Noam Chomsky right now. He's so controversial, right? I really don't have a strong opinion about him either way. I had a friend in college that really loved him, and even dressed up like him on Halloween once. But I don't feel that way. I do however think learning as much about neo-liberalism as possible is an excellent idea at such a time like this. I don't believe humans are going to find the solutions to the problems of the world, but shouldn't we, in the name of love, help prevent suffering as much as possible?

So, anyways, I'm reading Profit Over People and both love it and hate it. I love that I'm learning so much and have an insight into politics and social change from a perspective not held by many. But I hate that it exposes the misdeeds and greed of people I want to be able to trust. Remember when you didn't know anything about politics, when you were say 8 years old? I remember it well. Because I cried when George H.W. Bush left the White House. He had been President my whole life and I was sad it was no more. I was so ignorant and innocent, and loved him deeply for no reason but that he was my President and I thought it was really special. Oh, and I loved Barbara and her amazing white hair too. Seriously, ignorance is bliss sometimes.

I have no real life application or anything, only noting that learning is wonderful, but sometimes I just want to pretend I don't know anything at all.

Slowly the evening changes into the clothes

held for it by a row of ancient trees;

you look: and two worlds grow separate from you,

one ascending to heaven, another, that falls;

and leave you, belonging not wholly to either one,

not quite as dark as the house that remains silent,

not quite as certainly sworn to eternity

as that which becomes star each night and rises--

and leave you (unsayably to disentangle) your life

with all its immensity and fear and great ripening,

so that, all but bounded, all but understood,

it is by turns stone in you and star.

-"Evening" by Rainer Maria Rilke.

I have found amazing new music in some of the most brilliant pairings.

For the new Twilight soundtrack Bon Iver and St. Vincent teamed up for a little something.Seriously, this is a dream come true. And the music they make together is beautiful. Perhapsthis will spark some sort of future collaboration? May it be so.

Bon Iver & St. Vincent - Roslyn

And then Grizzly Bear joined the London Symphony Orchestra (or did the LSO join Grizzly Bear?) for a Halloween performance. The individuals that sacrificed possible expulsion from the show and awkward confrontations with security guards in order to post something on youtube, you have my gratitude today.

As people, by nature, we're strange. And thus our interactions and relationships with other people are equally as strange . And even more, our experiences with other people that we don't know are even stranger. Granted, sometimes our days go by relatively free of weird interactions, but those tend to be the days that we spend the majority of our time alone. Right?

Luckily, I really enjoy taking note of awkward moments. Today's being the presence of overly sexual music in a cafe.

Have you ever experienced trying to read while listening to "sexual healing"? I have. It's difficult, because the song is just so catchy. It's almost painful not to sing along or dance, but you can't because you're in a cafe...surrounded by people you don't know, though who most likely are also singing Marvin Gaye in their own heads and definitely tapping their feet. And then you think of the words to the song going through everyone's heads in the cafe ("I'm hot just like an oven...") and try terribly hard not to make eye contact with the older man across the table. The tension in the room is hilarious.

I suppose, following closely behind in awkwardness is the absence of music in a cafe. It's hard to win.