The past two mornings I've woken up, happy, gone to drink coffee and read the news (a morning ritual) and within ten minutes wanted to scream.

Racist immigration laws in Arizona, the entire idea of the tea party and all of their shenanigans, an audience on Dr.Phil thinking sex offenders should be put on an island (which, I promise, I just happened to walk in on while my mom was watching). And, other things.

People are so quick to err on the side of protection than on trust or forgiveness. It's disgusting really. Yes, we should be careful and wise, but there has to be a way to also extend a hand of welcome and grace.

The most difficult part of all of this is when people that follow Jesus are involved. There is room for different ideas, different interpretations, etc...but the church is supposed to be the epitome of acceptance and forgiveness. It breaks my heart when we act otherwise.

I'm reminded of the rebuke from Jesus in Matthew 23, a beautiful way to check our own hearts and actions. It's not the nicest thing, but you can always count on him to say it like it is. Here are several parts that I think are especially pertinent. Woe to us for acting in Jesus' name in a way that he would not.

"They tie up heavy loads and put them on men's shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them."

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the kingdom of heaven in men's faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to."

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of hell as you are."

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You devour widows' houses and for a show make lengthy prayers. Therefore you will be punished more severely."

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices-mint, dill, and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law-justice, mercy, and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter without neglecting the former. You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel."

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean."

I've spent several weeks reading and baking. Doing other things too, but mostly a lot of reading and baking. One of my most favorite things has been stealing my mom's library card and finding anything I can to eat up. I've read a lot of novels and memoirs and magazines and short stories and new york times opinion articles. But one thing I've really loved stealing (borrowing) is piles of collections of poems. I've always loved poetry, but more so lately. Sweetness. I love the way a person's words so much encompass the things you feel. I write poems sometimes, and I feel they don't even do my own feelings and thoughts the justice that other's seem to. A few pieces below from the most recent one, a collection from the brilliant Wendell Berry. Thank you, poets, for putting words to my soul.

GRACE

By Wendell Berry
(for Gurney Norman, quoting him)

The woods is shining this morning.
Red, gold and green, the leaves
lie on the ground, or fall,
or hang full of light in the air still.
Perfect in its rise and in its fall, it takes
the place it has been coming to forever.
It has not hastened here, or lagged.
See how surely it has sought itself,
its roots passing lordly through the earth.
See how without confusion it is
all that it is, and how flawless
its grace is. Running or walking, the way
is the same. Be still. Be still.
“He moves your bones, and the way is clear.”

EXCEPT

By Wendell Berry

Now that you have gone
and I am alone and quiet,
my contentment would be
complete, if I did not wish
you were here so I could say,
"How good it is, Tanya,
to be alone and quiet."

THE BROKEN GROUND

By Wendell Berry

The opening out and out,
body yielding body:
the breaking
through which the new
comes, perching
above its shadow
on the piling up
darkened broken old
husks of itself:
bud opening to flower
opening to fruit opening
to the sweet marrow
of the seed--
taken
from what was, from
what could have been.
What is left
is what is.

It's really powerful to have a weekend of intentionally focusing on and celebrating the death and resurrection of Jesus; the pinnacle of our faith. We can't have the resurrection without the sacrificial death or the death without the resurrection...and so we put our hope in both. And we also celebrate all that was done. "Death is swallowed up in Victory".

But today is Saturday, the day nothing happened. I think Saturday represents my spiritual life most of the time. We live between death and resurrection, some days seeing victory and other days only defeat. Some days feeling alive, others dead. Some days feeling free, others bound. It's a really hard place to live. Usually I think about how the disciples must have felt on the Saturday, nearly a sense of betrayal that they had given their lives to someone they thought was God and then watched him be murdered by man. But really, I think we feel this a lot of the time too. I just read in the news that a high school senior died on spring break after falling off a balcony last night. It also happens that 10 years ago today a friend died the exact same way, in the exact same place. I'll have dinner with his sister tonight, and struggle for what to say. It's been 10 years, but still is fresh. I'm feeling confronted with the reality of living in "the day nothing happened". I believe in victory, but can't always see it.

I have hope that this is the way it's intended though. There's something in not always seeing, but believing. Something beautiful really. And then there are moments when the resurrection is undeniably clear, and I can't help but celebrate.

Getting paid to play with kids is a dream. Here are some of the kids I got to spend time with this past year. I could go on for pages about how funny, sweet, brilliant, creative, and ornery they are...but I'll spare you.

And it's doubly amazing when their parents are great. Or when they listen to Beach House and have the new album for me to borrow! Which, speaking of, here's a little gift from la blogotheque...beautiful!

And so it is, the start of lent. Time to recognize the gift of life we are given, that we are more than just bodies, or animals, or a momentary mistake. Somehow we've been given life, which encompasses the really good and the really bad, our creativity, our intelligence, our longings, our ability and desire to love and be loved. Amazing! And even more, that we're able to participate in whatever reason or purpose that this might be, to engage deeply with the reality of our humanness, to engage purposefully with the life-giver, and to engage hopefully with the people around us.

I want to press more into all of these. To figure out who I am and what I love even more, to more intimately experience God, and to love the people around me as well as I can. I have yet to determine a practical way to do this, such as something to sacrifice or focus on for 40 days...but I'm hoping offering this desire to the Lord will jumpstart my imagination!

I'm sure I've quoted him before but Thomas Kelly is pure genius, so here's a bit more.

"For the Eternal is urgently, actively breaking into time, working through those who are willing to be laid hold upon, to surrender self-confidence and self-centered effort, that is, self-originated effort, and let the Eternal be the dynamic guide in recreating, through us, our time-world."

and then he goes on to describe the hope for our lives to be "moving images of the Eternal Life" which is seriously beautiful.

I have a deep, deep love for Martin Luther King Jr. Our hearts seem to be made of the same fabric. He's like a brother from another generation, place, race, etc., but I feel like one in the same sometimes. I mean, our hearts are similar of course...what we've actually achieved, well, I have a long way to go. I can only hope to be more like him, to have as much courage as I have heartache.

He made a statement about his opposition to the war in Vietnam in 1967 and had a brilliant explanation. Not only did he feel it was exploitation of the poor, but felt like as a follower of Jesus he had specific reasons he couldn't let it go on. He called the speech "Beyond Vietnam: A Time to Break Silence", and it's beautiful. He continues to be a prophet, 42 years after his death.

Here's a link. It's worth 22 minutes, I promise.

I have no idea who this is, but I think these photos are breathtaking. Detroit breaks my heart.

"O God of unchangeable power and eternal light: Look favorably on your whole Church, that wonderful and sacred mystery; by the effectual working of your providence, carry out in tranquility the plan of salvation; let the whole world see and know that things which are cast down are being raised up, and things which had grown old are being made new, and that all things are being brought to their perfection by him through whom all things were made, your Son Jesus Christ our Lord; who lives and reigns with you, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen."